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Posts Tagged ‘musing’

I’ve been “away” from the worlds (here and out there) for some time now, more or less a month of placidness and silence. Though I did drop a few comments on some of my friends, I could still feel and see myself “not moving” my body and wanting to just sleep rather than work. My wry smiles and grim humor have made me look a bit older, with obvious manifestations on my very dry insipid hair and pimpled imperfect face. Yes, worries and stress could make one ugly and old. I was not spared.

With the momentarily jobless status of my hubby and my shaken credibility and competence at work, I could hardly think of pleasing thoughts and happy activities. In times like this, I try not to be affected, really, but the magnanimous impact of these recent events in my life is taking its toll quite victoriously. However mighty and courageous I am to fight this particular life’s battle, exhaustion and negativity are too forceful in their goal to tumble me down. Yes, I am bent a little awkwardly, but my head is still far from the ground, my feet are still glued toward the earth, and my head is refusing to lose this battle.

My hubby just signed a new contract with a new company (a call center again). It’s been 4 days now since his first day at work. He will undergo a month of training before he could finally go live on the floor. On a daily basis, he eagerly tells me how the training went that day and how he passed the oral exam and so on. As a wife who silently, for a time being, doubted his capability to raise a young family, I am glad and pleased with his new serious determined effort to regain himself and prove to me once more that he is indeed “my man”. I could sense his enthusiasm to excel; his wounded pride has begun its healing process.

This man, my hubby, is “my man” through thick and thin. Let the whole world know that.

Meanwhile at work, my seemingly overzealousness has quite subsided. I know I am “now” doing better at work. One of my bosses approached me and told me that it’s not my fault “entirely”. The client is making criticisms unfavorably in order for them to have a suave exit. Yes, they want to pull out the project I am handling alone (other projects are being handled by more than one person). Why don’t they just say it directly and we’d be good? Fortunately, their wanting out is not because of my “errors” but because of cost-cutting. Somehow, I felt a bit vindicated.

Just this morning, a colleague asked me how am I doing. I just replied sheepishly, “Oh, I am doing great. Thanks for asking”.

How about you, how are you doing?

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It’s been awhile since my last post. I have had a lot going on like most people do, plus the fact that I have an infant to take care of, which spells a huge difference. I’ve been stressed out from work because of the recent “errors” I’ve heedlessly committed. Much to my dismay, there were a lot of them; more than my 2 hands can count. My bosses were expectedly disappointed (and so was I), hence my now “zealousness” at work slightly exhaust my mind. The remaining energy I still possess after work is consumed by my baby boy who is now 71/2 months old. What is left for writing is nada.

In addition, the news from hubby 2 weeks ago made me so worried. He was laid off from work because their client pulled out the project sooner than expected. I know that God’s resources are countless and that alone should have pacified and calmed me, which did not. Yet true enough, after just 1 week of waiting, he is now employed again. This and the above-mentioned work stress have resulted in this month-long hiatus from blogging.

I missed blogging and blog-hopping as well as my blogger friends. I am very sure that they have tons of posts that I failed to read. Sadly, this “busy mode” might continue on until I am able to regain my confidence at work and the trust of my superiors, not to mention my own peace of mind. However, I would still insert some thoughts/stories from time to time as well as visit other blogs and drop a comment or two if time and energy permit me.

For the meantime, let me give you this picture to inspire you (and me as well).

verse1

God bless you all!

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Today’s Mommy Moments theme is “love letter”, that is, a love letter of your child(ren) or your love letter to your child(ren). Because OMB is only 6 months old, he could not write yet (obviously, but it’s just a matter of months more lol!). I opted to do the latter option, with the help and guidance of my hubby (of course!) 🙂

love

Dear OMB,

Ever since you came out into this world, I’ve become a new person. This person that I am now is a better version of me. I’ve become patient, loving, compassionate, understanding, responsible, and more focused. All these because of you. You, my little boy, brought out the best in me, qualities that I once thought not part of my being. You made me love myself more. You are the main reason why I feel joy in my heart everyday. You made me understand that I need to be happy; now I have a reason to value my life and my work — you gave me direction, you gave me light, you gave me color. I am falling inlove with you every single day. I am looking forward to each passing day, the early morning sunshine, with you in my arms. I have loved you even before you become you. I love you now and forever.

With more love,
Nanay and Tatay

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Musing with a song

There is one particular song that has been refusing to leave my head the whole day today. It’s the song my hubby used to sing to OMB at night before OMB dozes off.

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high.
There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue.
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true.
Someday I’ll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops.
That’s where you’ll find me.
Somewhere, over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow,
Why then – oh, why can’t I?
If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can’t I?

Eversince my hubby started to work as a call center agent hence taking a graveyard shift, I was being compelled to sing that song to OMB for several nights now. It’s not working quite well. I guess my baby is missing his father’s voice, or perhaps, my voice is not soothing enough (my singing voice is bad, in short!).

Where troubles melt like lemon drops, away above the chimney tops. That’s where you’ll find me.

Oh! I am missing my husband so much. If only he could have a better day job… there, I’ve said my wish. I hope the stars heard me and would come by tonight as I sing a song of lullaby to my baby…

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When I was living the glorious life of a single working woman, I used to think that parties are only for kids and adults. I always tell my friends, I wouldn’t throw a lavish party for my son’s first birthday, the way other moms do. Not me. When I was pregnant with OMB, I was thinking of only inviitng close friends and have a simple party at home.

party1

Lo and behold! Six months after, I’m already lurking all mom forums and reading all blog entries about moms who threw birthday bash for their 1 year olds. I see all the balloon decorations, giant tykes, host and magicians, character cakes and cupcakes, lootbags and giveaways… Boy, I tell you, I am getting excited!

But wait, with all the crisis (eg, hoarding of gas tanks, closing of plants and factories, laying off of employees, etc) our nation has right now, how could OMH (ohmyhubby) and I have the “budget” for the party? Surely, we need more than a few thousands here and there to be able to come even near to a perfect party we want for our precious one. Is it practical to have such party this year? What is the reasonable amount or budget we should allot?

My head suddenly aches. I know, I should stop now.

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